Surprisingly, studies show that 33 per cent of siblings drift apart in adulthood, sometimes describing their relationship as distant or rivalrous:
It was the middle of winter just like it is now, cold and folks were longing for spring. Three young kids aged eleven, ten and seven were longing for something else.
Nine months earlier they had found out their parents were expecting another child. It was seriously out of the blue but they couldn’t help but be excited. They took guesses at the gender and characteristics this child might have.
Before I arrived I had my very own Three Wise Men except in my case it was two boys and a girl who eagerly anticipated my arrival, wishing for a little girl with blue eyes and blonde hair to compliment their lives.
Not one to disappoint I came out looking the way they wished I did.
I have two brothers and one sister. All three siblings are in their fifties (I always like to point this out to them since I am farther behind still in my forties)
Once I made my first appearance they were hooked. My mother dressed me like a little doll and my siblings paraded me around to their friends, my brother Daniel even took me to school with him one day, I think it was the equivalent of Show & Tell…I was a big hit.
My oldest sister she is the “parent replacement” in the family and especially to me, at one point as a child I even called her Mama. She has helped me in so many ways; budgeting money, helping me find the trigger that made me gamble and by providing my daughter with financial opportunities I could not afford to give her. This meant that my daughter could go to summer camp and take part in many activities. My sister was always just a phone call away and if I had a tough parenting decision to make such as encouraging my daughter to go to a woman’s shelter to get away from an abusive boyfriend, my sister Verda was waiting on the phone so that we could cry together, I knew she was there to help me be strong for my daughter. I can’t thank her enough for her support. I was always compared to Verda by my parents. She was the one to beat in their eyes. She was the most educated and reliable of the bunch. It created jealousy on my part mostly because I felt so inferior to her in every way. It took me a long time to realize that this comparison had caused a drift in our relationship. If I was going to be like anyone in the family it would be her. I know no matter what I’ve done or said she loves me and is always there for me.
Daniel is my oldest brother, I spoke about him in one of my posts. He was always the “Joker” of the family along with my Dad. We have not spoken in years and I know in some ways Daniel doesn’t feel I lived up to his expectations, the sad reality is that I think this is one of the reasons I can’t handle a relationship today. I never met the expectations of the first man who influenced my childhood. He is surprised that I seek attention and that I am so “out there” but he is the one that built this need in me to shine. Growing up with Daniel I always felt I was in the presence of a celebrity. He was so talented at everything including music, leather work, wood carving and I admired his life even though he was a bad boy, later in life when he cleaned up and transformed into a stellar man I was proud of him and so supportive, it’s only too bad he bailed when I needed him. He pulled so many stunts on me as a kid, he was like Dennis the Menace – “Gail look I hurt myself, kiss it to make it better” as he showed me the red on his hand. It wasn’t a sore at all it was ketchup which ended up all over my face. The best stunt Daniel pulled on me was waking me up yelling “Gail Gail Santa Claus is here, Santa Claus is here” only to see me wake up looking like a deer in the headlights with big blue wide open eyes.
Gary is the youngest of my brothers’ but still older than me. Our rivalry was for real, growing up he was left to babysit and didn’t like it so he would not let me get my way especially when it came to watching TV. I once put on a tape recorder and called him in my room. I yelled and threw myself around screaming “no Gary don’t hit me.” When my parents came home I played the recording, boy did he get in trouble, I was a great little actress back then. We clashed so many times but when he went away to work out west he was the one I missed the most.
All four of us are so different but there was a time long ago where we all cared about each other so much, I will never let go of the memories of my life with Daniel, Gary & Verda they were and always will be the love & hate relationship that defined me. Today the distance between us is not just the miles, it is the emotional gap that divides us even more. I am who I am and always will be – the little sister they couldn’t wait to have.
- Sibling Rivalry (gentlepawspetcare.wordpress.com)
- Siblings Are A Pain (nutellatea.wordpress.com)
- My Adoption Story (bitethedust89.wordpress.com)
- The suffering brothers and sisters of aborted children (liveactionnews.org)
- How Siblings Bond (parentingfromscratch.wordpress.com)
- Blitzen’s new sibling (fosterwee.wordpress.com)